i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
