i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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