just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
