I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
