it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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