You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
