whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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