i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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