We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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