Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
