No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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