so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
