hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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