Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
