i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
