Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
zippers are such a cool invention
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
