But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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