I accidentally had phone sex last night
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
