Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i will never coherently bang her
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
