Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
