He kissed a someone with a penis
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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