LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
