32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
