I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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