I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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