Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
