the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
