I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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