She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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