put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
