im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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