i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
