It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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