dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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