Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
