i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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