I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
