Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i now understand why vodka
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
