i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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