people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
