I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
