Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
