dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
