You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
