so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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