i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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