I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
