My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
