she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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