I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Say something about gay babies.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dick very happy bro
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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