How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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