I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
