I looked at my own cervix.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
