I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
