She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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