he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
