Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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