im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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