South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
