I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
