Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
