Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
