To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize