Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
