My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
