i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
