I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
