I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They took my balls.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
