you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
