plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
