Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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